I can not proove anything in this world. That means all I know for sure is that I am a feeling being. I can think about my thinking and produce with this my emotional state.
So what I think of this world is either healthy or disturbing for my own body and heart. And in the long run for others too.
So my question has always been, if we can think and create our future emotions, why not imagine paradise. It shouldn't be that hard?
I know how it is to feel alone and like in hell, as if the world has come to an end. I also know how it is to feel neutral about things. Like a machine, just functioning and getting things done with no emotional connection to all. Both ways didn't respond to my heart too well and didn't feel like I was living a well-being I was trying to embody. So how was it to feel like in paradise.
Working in the Spa industry so close to people all day and trying to embody well-being, I had to ask myself was I eating, sleeping, drinking and thinking healthy. I changed my diet to vegetarianism, I drink water and tea all day, I sleep deep and good, so all that was left was analysing why it was so hard for me to stay in paradise with my thoughts.
Just like I had changed the standards of my eating, drinking, sleeping I changed the standard of thinking. I became aware of what I thought, judged about the world and others, and put my focus on. I watched with whom I surrounded myself with, so that the outer talk became positive. So just like sitting in a cinema, I watched the film in my outer world, but DECIDED TO CONCENTRATE MY FOCUS ON MY INNER LIFE, INSTEAD OF THE OUTER MOVIE.
The last step was to check-in with myself from time to time in what thought could make a huge difference in my world. And me being an artist had a huge advantage of thinking of images. No matter the things I hear, see in the outer world, I always keep an image of a garden that is just perfect, upright in my inner vision, where I hear waterfalls in the distance, little rivers with bridges, birds chirping, the temperature being just about right, no judgement, every moment is fresh and new. Every where I go I can bathe in healing warm waters and I can feel the healing in all my body and heart. All these images flood through my cells like a frequency that has become so normal that I don't have to think about it. It has become a habit.
THE LAST PROMISE TO MYSELF IS TO NOT LET ANY THOUGHT SLIP THROUGH MY INNER AWARENESS THAT ISN'T POSITIVE. And if it does I will feel instantly stressed, because I am focusing on some senseless judgement of the world that makes no one happy and healthy. So this vision of paradise is my strength. Only I can create it and live in it.
Just as I had to declutter my belongings, eat healthier and make healthier choices ,the day came where I had to become aware of what I was thinking of all day. How quickly was I judging everything that was presented infront of me. And how much energy was I waisting in being in the business of others.
I tested how it would be that life presented situations infront of me, and I didn't react to them. I gave myself the permission to objectively think about them and SEE THE ADVANTAGE OF THE SITUATION. As I like to optimize my diet plan or minimize what I possess I tried to see the beauty in every moment. Something I had negelected all my life. The gratefulness of just being me on this huge planet, experiencing so many moments with myself and others openned up my horizon of thinking with purpose. Just like not eating everything that was presented infront of me, I decided not to not let bad behaviour in, or bad thoughts.
The future always evokes fear and the past can produce regrets. So I made a pact with myself just like becoming a vegetarian, that the past always has been good to me and not against me, the present moment was something that was always ok and the future would be even nicer than the present moment.
Taking these deliberate steps have made me have much more energy than I have ever had. It is like going on a hike, the hike of life and envisioning the best possible instead of being on standby. Why leave something so important as thinking, to chance.
I have a choice every day to brighten up my world and live it as healthy as possible. So 90 percent of the day I ask myself what is the best image I can think of and try to envision myself into this vision. And then the rest just falls into place.
There is a very unhealthy voice in all of us that tries to convince you that you can not live in the best state possible. I battled it for a long time and can now confirm that we have the power to make it a little actor in the background of all the other lovely thoughts. In fact I do not hear it anymore.
How I found my way to God
God was always one abstract concept of something confusing. Something I doubted. Something that just didn't want to add up in my mind heart. The concept of someone apparently watching me and judging me on my choices even made me angry. If life challenges you a lot you even think God doesn't like you. So for a long time I was fighting with whatever was presented to me and I felt like in a battle field. Like struggling and surviving in open water. Not knowing that I can have God in my heart and at my side anytime.
So I had to rethink the concept that humans had evented the concept of God to the fact that God had invented us. I was here on earth to make sense of what I loved the most and what relationship I had to what was going on around me.
Being with someone who died in my family openned my eyes. Two days before he died he was answering questions all day into the blue. He didn't know I was in the room. Being only here on this planet for a limited time made me wonder, what if I was asked at the end how high I loved and whom? What would I say?
We all have a belief of anything. Even an apple. And either we hate or love this apple. Let's take the apple as an example. We normally do not care where it came from. It is just there. Like with God. There is this concept of God in the world and we do not want to accept it. Only in times of worry, or huge accomplishments we approach him. Just like the apple that can nourish us, a nice concept of God can nourish us.
So I worked on this concept. No human invented nature. And I couldn't accept the fact that all came from a big bang and accidently evolved into an apple and a lemon. If this was true for me, then new forms of life should be popping up all the time. But nature has a certain amount of species and thats it. So who invented, what we have not created?
We are invented to take from nature. But what do we give back? ONLY LOVE
My God should also not be a monkey. We resemble and look like monkeys but no one knows the missing link of us becoming us from the line of monkeys. So what makes a difference between a monkey and me? It's the possibility to THINK IN LOVE WHENEVER I WANT.
All I do all my life is interpret a situation inwardly, like a sports commentator. Everything. I either love or hate or do not care about. Let's go back to the apple. So when I eat an apple, am I more happy or do I not care about it? If I eat an apple without thinking about what it means to me, there is no value behind it and the energy I generate is neutral. But if I thank it for being an apple that will nuture me and even become me in my system with all its advantages the energy already rises. The same with the concept of God. Either I am not bothered and the energy stays neutral or I stand in wonder infront of his creation and am AMAZED AND IN LOVE WITH IT.
So I also had to figure out is God just an energy or a person? Two old scriptures say, I made humans looking the same as me. I imagine him, even without proof, as the most beautiful, omnipresent, satisfied man possible. Glowing with love.
So it doesn't matter if I can proove all my beliefs. It is about what every belief makes me feel.
The highest energy in life is not that God loves you,because he does it anyhow. it's your proof of loving him back. And recognizing that energy in every fibre of your being. I am even convinced that at the end of your life, your heart will be scanned to have the proof of what you concentrated on all your life. But this is all just one opinion of billions of people on this planet. Make your belief be uplifting and not neutral.
For me knowing God is thinking in love.