God was always one abstract concept of something confusing. Something I doubted. Something that just didn't want to add up in my mind heart. The concept of someone apparently watching me and judging me on my choices even made me angry. If life challenges you a lot you even think God doesn't like you. So for a long time I was fighting with whatever was presented to me and I felt like in a battle field. Like struggling and surviving in open water. Not knowing that I can have God in my heart and at my side anytime.
So I had to rethink the concept that humans had evented the concept of God to the fact that God had invented us. I was here on earth to make sense of what I loved the most and what relationship I had to what was going on around me.
Being with someone who died in my family openned my eyes. Two days before he died he was answering questions all day into the blue. He didn't know I was in the room. Being only here on this planet for a limited time made me wonder, what if I was asked at the end how high I loved and whom? What would I say?
We all have a belief of anything. Even an apple. And either we hate or love this apple. Let's take the apple as an example. We normally do not care where it came from. It is just there. Like with God. There is this concept of God in the world and we do not want to accept it. Only in times of worry, or huge accomplishments we approach him. Just like the apple that can nourish us, a nice concept of God can nourish us.
So I worked on this concept. No human invented nature. And I couldn't accept the fact that all came from a big bang and accidently evolved into an apple and a lemon. If this was true for me, then new forms of life should be popping up all the time. But nature has a certain amount of species and thats it. So who invented, what we have not created?
We are invented to take from nature. But what do we give back? ONLY LOVE
My God should also not be a monkey. We resemble and look like monkeys but no one knows the missing link of us becoming us from the line of monkeys. So what makes a difference between a monkey and me? It's the possibility to THINK IN LOVE WHENEVER I WANT.
All I do all my life is interpret a situation inwardly, like a sports commentator. Everything. I either love or hate or do not care about. Let's go back to the apple. So when I eat an apple, am I more happy or do I not care about it? If I eat an apple without thinking about what it means to me, there is no value behind it and the energy I generate is neutral. But if I thank it for being an apple that will nuture me and even become me in my system with all its advantages the energy already rises. The same with the concept of God. Either I am not bothered and the energy stays neutral or I stand in wonder infront of his creation and am AMAZED AND IN LOVE WITH IT.
So I also had to figure out is God just an energy or a person? Two old scriptures say, I made humans looking the same as me. I imagine him, even without proof, as the most beautiful, omnipresent, satisfied man possible. Glowing with love.
So it doesn't matter if I can proove all my beliefs. It is about what every belief makes me feel.
The highest energy in life is not that God loves you,because he does it anyhow. it's your proof of loving him back. And recognizing that energy in every fibre of your being. I am even convinced that at the end of your life, your heart will be scanned to have the proof of what you concentrated on all your life. But this is all just one opinion of billions of people on this planet. Make your belief be uplifting and not neutral.
For me knowing God is thinking in love.